Category Archives: Relationships

Relationships: Understanding how humans relate to each other

Family, Health, Love, Work

Stretching Thin

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Stress 

Stretching Thin

Staying on the equilibrium path of momentum for the Yuppy; CAUTION, challenges ahead, usually from within

The Yuppy goes ‘hard’, our lives is a constant balancing act as we try to maintain a steady equilibrium of forward movement. Some of us have vices that we use to sustain the movement; alcohol, drugs, avoidance, detachment, and we think that this will stretch our movement. However this is counter-productive thought, our vices usually are a quick fix for us to escape our fears, insecurities and problems which are probably interfering with the forward movement that we are desiring to achieve. Being self-aware of such a fact, and taking a hard look at your inner self can make one realize potential hazardous behaviors. I am not saying that social drinking is not acceptable, but if after every stressful event in your life, you cope with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s, then one is creating a dangerous dependency.

Personal relationships can be the worse as we may not be able to enjoy the company of others (our family, friends, loved ones). Sometimes yuppy’s are so passionate about their own projects, their agenda, that they can’t relate to others’ accomplishments and stories. It’s like our sister and brothers can be telling us something about their day that they find interesting, and we will show an attitude of of un-interest and nonchalant behavior. Appreciating others may be a first step in appreciating our own selves and accomplishments.

In all, the Yuppy goes hard, and the Yuppy has a lot to deal with. A lot of pressure and stress can come from various sources, and how we deal with them ultimately defines how far we will go, and at what cognitive/physical/social expense.

.:: LiBM ::.

Logic, Work

Presenteeism

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Presenteeism

I am here, but not here

Presenteeism can be defined as the following:

“20 to 30 days out of the year, people show up for work, but accomplish very little”

Presenteeism is the opposite of absenteeism. In contrast to absenteeism, when employees are absent from work, presenteeism discusses the problems faced when employees come to work in spite of illness, which can have similar negative repercussions on business performance.  It can also refer to the expectation of employers for their employees to be present at work regardless of whether any work is available or accomplished.

After thinking about this concept, I thought of a few industries/professions where this behavior may run rampant, such as:

Government Workers

– If you ever tried to pay a parking ticket, or get something from a government office, it seems like its workers are lethargic, and definitely don’t show no real interest in providing prompt customer service.

IT Professionals

– Ever tried to call your work’s technical support line? Ever noticed that though they are well connected with Blackberry’s and computers, but are never available to assist you? IT dudes seem to always be ‘there’ but are not ‘there’ for you when you need it.

Call Centres

– Ever worked in one of these disaster zones? I have, and I recall being physically there, but mentally in another atmosphere.

Presenteeism is only really applied when one is working at a job that they do not really enjoy – Dr. Ron Kessler of the Harvard Medical School, published a journal that outlined the relationships to depression in the workplace and presenteeism.  His study calculated the costs to the employer when staff show up to work and are not productive as they should be.  I

am sure that many people can relate to this behavior of ‘presenteeism’ as you are most likely reading this blog at your job!

.:: LiBM::.

Sources:
1. http://www.depressionisreal.org/podcast/transcript_show46.php
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Presenteeism

Entertainment, Love, Relationships, Social

Brown and Rihanna – Black Cyclic Domestic Violence

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Black Domestic Violence

Curtailing the cycle of violence

This whole Rihanna and Chris Brown ordeal is really devastating to both the artists and their fans, but what needs to be discussed more is the prevalence of domestic violence in the Black family.  Domestic violence is really troubling in the black community, as it usually has a cycle effect – as children growing up watching their Dad physically abuse their Mother will usually grow up and exhibit similar behavior to their potential mate.  Thus, to stop domestic violence, it needs to start at home with the family, and conflicts need to be resolved with discourse as opposed to physical actions.  Here are some alarming stats of black domestic violence that will NOT make you wonder why even though a talented, and rich entertainer such as Chris Brown is not immune to black domestic violence as he grew up in a household where he saw his mother being physically abused by his Step Dad.

Stats:

Overall, African Americans were victimized by intimate partners a significantly higher rates than persons of any other race between 1993 and 1998. Black females experienced intimate partner violence at a rate 35% higher than that of white females, and about 22 times the rate of women of other races. Black males experienced intimate partner violence at a rate about 62% higher than that of white males and about 22 times the rate of men of other races.

Callie Marie Rennison. and Sarah Welchans, U.S. Dep’t of Just., NCJ 178247, Intimate Partner Violence (2000), available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/ascii/ipv.txt

African-American women experience significantly more domestic violence than White women in the age group of 20-24. Generally, Black women experience similar levels of intimate partner victimization in all other age categories as compared to White women, but experience slightly more domestic violence. (Estimates are provided from the National Crime Victimization Survey, which defines an intimate partner as a current or former spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend. Violent acts include murder, rape, sexual assault, robbery, aggravated assault, and simple assault.)

Callie Marie Rennison, U.S. Dep’t of Just., NCJ 187635, Intimate Partner Violence and Age of Victim, 1993-1999, at 4, (2001), available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/abstract/ipva99.htm

Approximately 40% of Black women report coercive contact of a sexual nature by age 18.

Africana Voices Against Violence, Tufts University, Statistics, 2002, www.ase.tufts.edu/womenscenter/peace/africana/newsite/statistics.htm

The number one killer of African-American women ages 15 to 34 is homicide at the hands of a current or former intimate partner.

Africana Voices Against Violence, Tufts University, Statistics, 2002, www.ase.tufts.edu/womenscenter/peace/africana/newsite/statistics.htm

In a study of African-American sexual assault survivors, only 17% reported the assault to police.

Africana Voices Against Violence, Tufts University, Statistics, 2002 www.ase.tufts.edu/womenscenter/peace/africana/newsite/statistics.htm

The Family is where most of our problems start from – how we deal with situations at home is a strong precursor and indicator on how we will relate with the world.  Thus, the resolution lies in re-building the family unit and teaching and practicing positive family values – its the only way to stop the cycle of violence.

.::LiBM::.

——————————–
Sources:
http://www.abanet.org/domviol/statistics.html

Love

Relational Checkers

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e005181

Relational Checkers

Putting them in ‘check’

No, not checkers as in the classic family board game, but in relationships. I always wondered why women who have a man, keep their other guy friends in the picture – someone they communicate with from time to time. At first, my thought that women kept these men as a “Plan B” – which, could still be the case in some situations; women has long used the Plan B dude for when their man acts up, or they lose interest in their man, and want to have some fun – yes women are strange creatures. But, I believe that when a woman is really feeling her man, and she has the other guy friends in the background, I suggest that it is a strategic move to keep her man in ‘check’. To plant the idea that if ‘you act up, there is someone waiting in the background to come to the light and take your position’. And to emphasize such thoughts, women usually will mention these background characters in passing conversations with their man, as a subtle reminder that embodies the spirit of the man-hating anthem sung by Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable”. Since women are such innovative pretty things, they have created different kinds of ‘checks’; available at their disposal to deploy and put their man in check. Each checker move has a metaphorical meaning from its implied literal simplicity, such as:

Edu Check

“Peter just finished Med School, and is going on to do his fellowship at the local hospital”
Interpretation: Get your ish together and do something with your life, or I’ll be making the good doc do my physical.

Attitude Check

“Samuel is so quiet and shy”
Interpretation: You talk to much, and it is really pissing me off as sometimes you put your big foot in your mouth

Fun Check

“Thomas is crazy, he is always getting himself into some sort of mischief”
Interpretation: You are getting kind of boring, you don’t excite or arouse me like you used to. But the thought of Thomas does …

Financial Check

“When Jason takes his girls out, they don’t have to worry about a thing – he takes care of them”
Interpretation: You need to spend more money and stop being a cheapskate – romance has to be financed … at a variable rate.

I am sure there are other witty checks that women use to correct and align men, I would love to hear some so that I can be better equip!

.:: LiBM ::.

Work

Custom Out-of-Office Assistants for the Yuppies

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Jealous office women

Custom Out-of-Office Replies

Something to make you laugh for those times at work when you went to send your superior’s head throught the TFT monitor display.

Suggestions for next time you’re out of the office and need to set up an Auto-Reply e-mail:

“I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.”

“You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.”

“Thank you for your email, but I am busy ‘poking'”

“When I am finished watching my pirated movie, I will respond to your inquiry”

“Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management”

“Your e-mail will be responded to in priority sequence, enjoy the wait”

“Thank you for your message, which has been added to an email queueing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks and 3 days.”

“I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.”

“Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Please don’t bother to leave me any messages.”
“I’ve run away to join a different circus.”

“I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.”


.:: LiBM ::.

Relationships, Social

‘E’ Drive-By’s

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E-Drive-by’s

The opinionated social community … but there are consequences for your actions

The Web and social communications has created a culture of opinionated people; we express ourselves through our WebPages, blogs, IM screen names, on message boards, and in chat rooms. All of these communications methods are asynchronous; not occurring or existing at the same time or having the same period or phase. Thus, you can say something, and the response to what you said will be delayed – allowing a ‘sense of freedom’ to say anything you want without being chastised. You see it all the time, on forums, blogs, et cetera, where people talk reckless gibberish about others; using profanity, funny metaphors, and humorous simile’s to degrade and undermine others – I won’t front, some of it is funny. However, I believe that this culture of web social communications has created a loss in the art of logical argumentation – not argumentation in the sense of violent, shouting behavior; but argumentation in the sense of making logic. Making logical sense to what point(s) you are trying to say.

In Synchronous (real time) communications, you can’t say something reckless without backing up your points – for if you do such an act, people will just look at you in a peculiar light; as one who can not express or justify their points accurately. Synchronous communications are face-to-face, live, interactive, and non-verbal visual cues are just important as the verbal communications. If some of the people who talk so recklessly on the web, were to try that in real life; some would be in the ICU at the local hospital – real talk. But the web gives a safe haven for us; allows us to quickly say whatever we want – with a sense of immunity, because I guess we can quickly log-off, change usernames, to avoid explaining ourselves. Sort of like an ‘E-drive-by’ like my boy RecSet once said “these people talk a whole lot of madness at someone, then flee the scene, and can’t back up their talk, because they know I will spank them.”, well said.

When it comes to personal relationships, Synchronous communications should be the path followed when dealing with serious topics – the real time dynamic gives you so much more beyond words. While, asynchronous communications can leave one bewildered, not receiving the full gist of the situation, or leave one with a misguided interpretation – trust me, it has happened to me on more than one occasion. So here is a list of what you should probably NOT use web social communications for:

Having a ‘talk’ about your relationship
– fellas, it’s bad enough in synchronous communications when your lady wants to ‘talk’, imagine how bad/LONG it will be in asynchronous communications??

Business Confrontations
– Don’t accuse a business associate of corruption in an IM, do it in person, so that you can gauge his verbal and non-verbal reactions

Criticisms of Friends
– Yes, it may be easier to do it behind an electric monitor, but if your friend is a ‘true’ friend, and you are one too, then a face-to-face or a phone call will not only show that you have something to ‘get off’ your chest, but that you also genuinely care.

 

Yes, the web is a powerful tool for communications, but with great power, comes great responsibility – use it wisely.

.:: LiBM ::.

Relationships

Light Speed Mind and Dealing with Stressors

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Brainwave

Brainwave

Yes, I am Still Sane

Stress, conflicts, perserverance

Minds really do travel at light speeds at times; as thoughts of innovation and creation flood the mind. I haven’t been here in a minute as I have been juggling conflicting stressors – some stressors are not welcomed, others are, as they challenge me to find creative ways to cope and handle them. I have been trying to organize my thoughts and all the ideas that I want to do for the last month, I think I am like 80% complete – for as we know with all projects, the longest/hardest part is the planning; once a plan is solid, the execution part is easy. I learned a lot, most hurdles that we have in our mind are simply that: hurdles that we have in our mind. As more often than not, we can be our own worst enemy, as our evolving character casts doubts in our minds of our abilities. Yes, there are forces in the world that work against us, makes it harder for some to achieve, but as Obama has proven, hard work and determination can overcome any obstacles … we just have to be ready to work hard and literally ‘grind’. That is what I have been doing, ‘grinding’; from planning a Live music show, working on databases, configuring operating systems, studying for school (even though they are strike, boo York University), handling the recession, looking for changes in employment, and dealing with personal relationships frustrations, it’s a shock that I am able to remain so sane. But, I do this, I live this ‘circus’ because I believe it drives me, it educates me, and prepares me for future scenarios; as I wrote in an earlier piece this year, I think I am developing a keen sense of acuity for a ClearView.

As we hit the end of month and step into December, I look forward to new challenges and obstacles – essentially stressors, but I think I am prepared to cope with the challenges ahead as I am refining myself to be more organized and focused. Now, I must trust myself to execute, and ‘pull the zip cord on the parachute’, with the hopes that I land in comfy green fields …

.:: LiBM ::.

Relationships

“That Dude”

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That Dude

Waiting on the sidelines, ready to get into the game
That dude. He is the one in the wings, the corridor, waiting to be called into action – like the 2nd round draft pick dying to get some action in the game;

He has put in time, work, perservance, he is sure that his persuasive nature will win you over;

He balloons and exacerbates – he should work at a gas station;

Presents himself as the polar opposites of your complaints, beef, and frustrations;

Slips in keywords that make you ponder, re-assess, and re-evaluate;

Has a divine intuition – always calls her during those special times, troubling times;

He finds a way to connect feelings of disconnect;

But why does she keep that dude around;

He is either a plan B or a corrective measure;

To check and balance the plan A – to make the plan A be on his P’s & Q’s;

For if not, A has G2G;

I remember when, I used to be that dude;

Ladies confiding in me about their frustrations, pains, beefs, and quips;

Calling me all late nights to get my thoughts and opinions;

As that dude, I controlled the sea of their relationship – if willing could have added ripples and waves, that no boat could navigate through – well, without damage;

But I guess I am one of those few dudes that practice traditional codes, practice traditional honor, and practices traditional respect;

They really don’t make them like they used to.

Instead there is a plethora of ‘That Dude’, ready, willing, and able to do, say anything to change the course of your navigation …. Ladies get a strong boat

.:: LiBM ::.

Economics, Hip-Hop, Relationships

If its NOT ‘tricking’, then what is it?

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“It ain’t tricking if you got it”
Then what is it?

I gotta make this a PSA .. ‘tricking’ is ‘tricking’, regardless if you have money or not.

I don’t know when tricking was in style, and I don’t even know how it got so popular, but I write this piece as a cry for attention to the mislead youth of the hip-hop world they may actually begin to think that tricking is acceptable. It started with Lil Wayne glorifying it in ‘A Milli’, to T-Pain, T.I., and now even Ludacris – hip-hop’s top artists are slowly conditioning the masses to trick on women.

I am sure there are many definitions of ‘tricking’, but the one I subscribe to is this, tricking is an investment – a man tricks on a woman with lavish materials, fine dinning, et cetera, to ensure a reward or to ensure a repetition of such rewards. Hey, I guess we all got to do something to maintain the relationship, but what these rappers are preaching is kind of reckless, I mean to break it down:

‘It ain’t tricking, if you got it’

That implies that if you have a lot of disposable income, and you spend lots of money on your woman/women, then it is not ‘tricking’ . so what is it then? And, does that mean that if you DON’T have a lot of disposable income, and you spend lots of money on your woman/women, then is that ‘tricking’? Well, rappers are not the most logical of beings, but what this message of ‘acceptable tricking’ kind of misleads the masses; hip-hop already conditions one to be overly masculine, have a tough bravado, stunt, and maintain a confidence demeanor. So, with the ‘got it’ (money), what hip-hop aficionado wouldn’t assert that they have money? Even if they are struggling with employment, or living off their parents, a lot of the hip-hop masses will try to emulate the rapper lifestyle that they see in videos. T.I. can afford to ‘trick’, even if he does it see it like that (which he is wrong), but the average Lamar’s & Omar’s are not living like that – and playing into such a façade can be dangerous:

A) It conditions women that ‘tricking’ should be expected from men
– So you go to the club, see a fine lady, couple of days and dates past, and the woman will start to expect gifts, shopping sprees, and the like. Uh-huh baby girl, and even worse for the man, because if you can’t maintain the ‘tricking’ that she expects, she step out on you – and then the man has an expensive high-yielded investment that went awry.

B) Credit will suffer, but disposable income amongst men will rise
– Here is some good news for slumping U.S. economy, but bad news for lenders. As men are conditioned to engage in tricking, they will incur large amounts of debt, taxed on with high interest rates, creating a problem for the lenders (in recouping their money), but it will benefit the shopping and restaurant industry as the hip-hop generation of men will continue to trick on their women, in the face of mounting debt.

I know I am asking a lot, by requesting that hip-hop artists show some responsibility, but I just had to address this growing popular notion that ‘tricking’ is NOT ‘tricking’, if you have money . it is still tricking, don’t get it twisted.

.:: d.b ::.

Technology, Work

Workplace Etiquette for the Yuppy

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Workplace Etiquette for the Yuppy
Some tips for getting through the day

The Yuppy (Young Urban Professional) is constantly on the go; most times though, the Yuppy needs to resort to a full-time job in order to fund their projects. However, the Yuppy has to be careful and walk that fine line of being productive at work, and being productive for their business. Thus, I thought I would share a few tips with my fellow Yuppielites.

Cycler
alt+tab (windows) OR apple+tab (mac)

You have more important things to do than prepare the 3rd-quarter report, you need to check your gmail and facebook. Instead of making it look bait by using your mouse to click back to the work your supposed to do, using alt+tab on the keyboard quickly changes your active window in a smooth manner.

IT Connect

Your IT Department is one of your greatest resources at work, befriend one of them as they can give you valuable Intel and help. The IT department can grant you special privileges, advise you what sites not to visit, and give you a heads-up on ‘crackdowns’.

Avoiding the IDC Symptom

The IDC symptom can be defined as “I Don’t Care”, and is developed when your co-workers start talking to you about trite details: ‘My kids hockey games’, ‘this boss is incompetent because …’, ‘did you watch that show last night’, and so on. My initial, instinctual response is ‘I really don’t care’, and ‘why are you talking to me’, but since we need this job to generate income and living, we need to avoid the IDC’s. Some common ways to avoid the IDC is:- Smile and nod: very effective, but can be deadly because it implies that you are actually intrigued in the conversation, and it shows that you are engaged.- Hmm, ok, wow: also very effective, alludes to you being not only responsive, but implies that you are listening to their every note and syllable

Outlook
Outlook is the enterprise e-mail application that most businesses use because of its powerful Exchange Server (even though Mozilla Thunderbird is better). I know you may have some documents to work on, and opening up MS Word may seem very suspicious as you may have to do a lot of ‘cycling’, however, Outlook can be used as a word processor and has some useful features such as ‘tasks’ and ‘notes’. Better yet, if you are working on a document, compose it in an e-mail, so that even if someone walks by, it looks like you are composing a work-related email.

Punctuality
This really shouldn’t be a point, but its important that you start on time, and leave on time. Because as with all work environments, there are snitches and informers – don’t give them anything to use against you.

With that said, you are the future of tomorrow, get ahead today … at work.

.:: d.b ::.

Family, Logic, Love, Relationships, Social, Work

WikiP: ‘Trust’

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Trust
Virtues: relationships, predictive actions, past knowledge

I‘ve always known wikipedia to be a good resource for historical facts and events, but it never really dawned on me that wikipedia can be used as a dictionary – to look up terms and definitions of everyday words. Well, apparently to my knowledge, wikipedia is also some sort of a dictionary, but where dictionary.com only gives you the definition of a word, wikipedia gives you the definition and concepts behind the word, and relational concepts.

For example, let’s look at the word ‘Trust‘:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trust_%28social_sciences%29

Trust is a relationship of reliance. A trusted party is presumed to seek to fulfill policies, ethical codes, law and their previous promises.

Trust does not need to involve belief in the good character, vices, or morals of the other party. Persons engaged in a criminal activity usually trust each other to some extent. Also trust does not need to include an action that you and the other party are mutually engaged in. Trust is a prediction of reliance on an action, based on what a party knows about the other party. Trust is a statement about what is otherwise unknown — for example, because it is far away, cannot be verified, or is in the future.

And it goes on, and on. Reading this, I particularly find the line ‘Trust is a prediction of reliance on an action, based on what a party knows about the other party.‘ to be very telling as it really does not matter how long you have known someone to ascertain if you trust them, what is important is how much knowledge and/or insight you have on an individual – one can get that intel in years or in a matter of minutes. Family, lifelong friends should be ‘trustworthy’, but we may only perceive them as such because of the notion that such people should be the ones that we ‘trust’. Well trust me, trust can be found in the oddest of places with even the oddest of people, as trust should really be based and predicted upon the reliance of an action – based on what you know about an individual.

I believe I always have had this notion for years, but have never been able to articulated quite like the wiki has (but, I never really had the desire to do so either). Its very hard to say that I can fully trust someone – because we base trust on how we would hope/anticipate people to act in certain situations. Its a cliche to say well, “I hope they will do the right thing”, but that ‘right thing’ varies from individual to individual. It would be best to base your trust based on the immediate action + what prior information you know about the individual.

For example:

You would not trust him with your kids:


Michael Jackson

You would not trust him with your 15 year old daughter:


R. Kelly

You would not trust her with keeping a secret:


Karrine Superhead Steffans

You would not trust him (Ike Turner) with your personal safety:


Ike Turner & Tina Turner

You would not trust his word:


O.J. Simpson

In all, you would not trust these people in the examples that I prescribed, but that does not directly correlate that you would not trust them in other scenarios: R. Kelly could be able to give you good advice & direction regarding the music industry, O.J. may be a trustful source of information for football skills & techniques, and Karrine ‘Superhead’ Steffans may be a good source of intel on how to keep a man … any guess on how she would do that? (LOL).

But, in all importance, we all need to put our trust in ourselves as we must be confident and, we must try to attain a sense of surety that the decisions we make will be the ‘right’ one.

.:: d.b ::.