Tag Archives: trust

WikiP: ‘Trust’

Virtues: relationships, predictive actions, past knowledge

I‘ve always known wikipedia to be a good resource for historical facts and events, but it never really dawned on me that wikipedia can be used as a dictionary – to look up terms and definitions of everyday words. Well, apparently to my knowledge, wikipedia is also some sort of a dictionary, but where dictionary.com only gives you the definition of a word, wikipedia gives you the definition and concepts behind the word, and relational concepts.

For example, let’s look at the word ‘Trust‘:

Trust is a relationship of reliance. A trusted party is presumed to seek to fulfill policies, ethical codes, law and their previous promises.

Trust does not need to involve belief in the good character, vices, or morals of the other party. Persons engaged in a criminal activity usually trust each other to some extent. Also trust does not need to include an action that you and the other party are mutually engaged in. Trust is a prediction of reliance on an action, based on what a party knows about the other party. Trust is a statement about what is otherwise unknown — for example, because it is far away, cannot be verified, or is in the future.

And it goes on, and on. Reading this, I particularly find the line ‘Trust is a prediction of reliance on an action, based on what a party knows about the other party.‘ to be very telling as it really does not matter how long you have known someone to ascertain if you trust them, what is important is how much knowledge and/or insight you have on an individual – one can get that intel in years or in a matter of minutes. Family, lifelong friends should be ‘trustworthy’, but we may only perceive them as such because of the notion that such people should be the ones that we ‘trust’. Well trust me, trust can be found in the oddest of places with even the oddest of people, as trust should really be based and predicted upon the reliance of an action – based on what you know about an individual.

I believe I always have had this notion for years, but have never been able to articulated quite like the wiki has (but, I never really had the desire to do so either). Its very hard to say that I can fully trust someone – because we base trust on how we would hope/anticipate people to act in certain situations. Its a cliche to say well, “I hope they will do the right thing”, but that ‘right thing’ varies from individual to individual. It would be best to base your trust based on the immediate action + what prior information you know about the individual.

For example:

You would not trust him with your kids:

Michael Jackson

You would not trust him with your 15 year old daughter:

R. Kelly

You would not trust her with keeping a secret:

Karrine Superhead Steffans

You would not trust him (Ike Turner) with your personal safety:

Ike Turner & Tina Turner

You would not trust his word:

O.J. Simpson

In all, you would not trust these people in the examples that I prescribed, but that does not directly correlate that you would not trust them in other scenarios: R. Kelly could be able to give you good advice & direction regarding the music industry, O.J. may be a trustful source of information for football skills & techniques, and Karrine ‘Superhead’ Steffans may be a good source of intel on how to keep a man … any guess on how she would do that? (LOL).

But, in all importance, we all need to put our trust in ourselves as we must be confident and, we must try to attain a sense of surety that the decisions we make will be the ‘right’ one.

.:: d.b ::.


Virtues: Relationships, peace, understanding, compromise  

Relationships can be a tumultuous affair; confusing and frustrating, noisy and unrestrained – yielding excitement and great happiness to emotional agitation. I’m in a committed relationship with this woman, lets call her Melissa (lol). Ambitious, loving, caring, at times stubborn & selfish, sexy, and very perceptive. I am also very perceptive, and too much perceptiveness, in my case, leads to heightened paranoia. I’m sure that many can relate, and many take proactive measures to muffle their paranoia from increasing; Alicia may snoop in Mike’s phone, Robert may randomly check out Erica’s workplace to make sure she is there, and such. All of those/these types of behavior may quell your suspicion, but if the suspicion is so strong that you are willing to do extreme behavior, then you got to ask yourself if you got a ClearView?

What is a ClearView, if you’ve been reading my literary masterpieces, then you know that I like creating new terms and/or applying old terms to different/left-park concepts. A ClearView is a state of accepting the relationship as it is, as it could be, and what it might be.

As it is (AIS)
As it is (What it is), is pretty self-explanatory in abstract, but in practicality, there are usually two different current states. Having a ClearView is understanding the two different states, and understanding that those two different states may never merge as one; and really, I don’t think that it ever has to merge as one – that isn’t as important as understanding than more than one exists.

As it could be (ACIB )
As it could be (AICB), is the vision that each one has – of themselves, together, and of the other one. AICB almost works like ecological optics and the concept flow information; to move through the environment, the brain uses information from the eye, previous experiences, and ‘feeds forward’ the information to predict future actions. Thus, AICB is really based upon understanding how it is, and if how it is can be changed. Can you & your partner change? Are you willing? Stubbornness can be an obstacle to this, as one has to have a ClearView that each party has to compromise and change in order to get to that state to where they want to be – as long as it is not at the expense of their own personal beliefs and values, but with that said, that is a problem, with each party, and each party must understand that that problem will exist – and may never go away.

As it might be? (AIMB)
Having a ClearView of ‘as it might be’ is very scary. Growing up, I had many girls tell me all sorts of stories where they slept around on their b/f, disrespected the b/f, and used the b/f for monetary/status gains. This world is nasty. So having a ClearView is understanding that you are ready to accept ‘what it might be’; I’m not saying to condone AIMB, but to be strong and confident that you are at peace with yourself. That you have tried to be honest, respectful, loving, and real. And having such a ClearView, I think, would subdue paranoia to a manageable extent so that you won’t be snooping around, spying, and things of that nature.

Do I have this ClearView?

I think I do, and at times my vision is clouded, but for my sanity sake, I subscribe to the notion that being at peace at yourself of what it is, what it could be, and what it might be is a viable path to constant sanity. I have definitely been tested though, as most relationships have. One time Melissa acted irresponsibly around one of my close friends; to make a long story short (because that is a blog in itself), when I heard of the irresponsible behavior from my friend, I was emotionally agitated. Upon confrontation, Melissa told me that wasn’t the case, even though both parties had similar stories (regarding chain of events), but the motivation for Melissa behaving as she did was different than he thought.  

Regardless, my ClearView was developed during that difficult time – as I wasn’t going to let my paranoia consume me; because I can control and influence ‘as it is’ & ‘as it could be’, but ‘as it might be’ is out of MY hands … and that is a succinct ClearView.

Ya Digg? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment.



.:: d.b

Lingering Effect

Image from: http://www.neoabstracts.com/

Lingering Effect

Virtues: closure, disclosure, stay ‘true’, instinct, intuition, relationships


Overview, this piece deals with the concept of closure in relationships, don’t know what closure is? Wiki it. 

The lingering effect, in my opinion, occurs well after closure – which begs the question if closure CAN and IS ever really achieved. The lingering effect is more of an after-thought which asks the question: what could of been done different? Almost like reminiscing of what one could of done to produce a better situation. You don’t think about it constantly – for if you did, you would have closure issues, but every once in awhile a stimulus (song, conversation, etc.) will send you aboard a cruise ship back in time for a bit. An impression has definitely been made; and this impression has definitely sculpted who YOU are. But is it wise to try to make lingering effects a more meaningful effect? Meaning, trying to get in contact with someone, or trying to get back to that emotion that the lingering effect brings?

Sometimes I battle with these thoughts – i’m sure i’m not the only one. But dealing with lingering effects means going back to a past that you may have already outgrown – or that she has outgrown. Maybe she has moved on, got married, is living the good life, nice career, or, she is an abusive situation, gets treated badly — and desperately needs someone to ‘bail’ her out. Not financially, physically, or sexually (maybe sexually), but mentally. You see, not confronting or dealing with the lingering effects may indirectly lead her to continue dealing with that destructive boyfriend who pushes, or deal with that dude because of his money — all for security reasons I guess, we all need it. However, an intervention or confronting the lingering effect by even reaching out via phone/txt/email may do some good, may reconnect the tracks, may power the lines of your past communications.

Or it could not.

But they say inaction is worse than no action, but sometimes its better to remember a point in time that was genuine & real, and make that chick relish that moment that she missed out on – while she is with her pusha, do you feel me?

Funny how this relates all back to the concept of ‘closure’, do we ever have any?

I probably don’t!

Let me know what y’all think.

.:: Peace ::.