Tag Archives: confidence

Catering to your preconceptions of Others

Boxes

Cater to what I think you want

Don’t know if I have a lot to write about this, as I’ve just been able to encapsulate this thought into easy digestable words. But I’m sure that I’m not the only one that holds back on saying things for fear of thinking what others might do and/or think. I guess it could be some sort of a chess strategy, but in doing this, it also builds cognitive dissonance; and if its one thing I’ve learned after spending thousands of dollars for a Psych degree is that Cognitive Dissonance is a Bitch – to put ot mildly. Yet, I for some reason, even knowing the bitch that Cognitive Dissonance is, still deal with trying to predict what others believe. And when you cater to what you think other people believe and such,this can turn you into some sort of a ‘Shape Shifter'(Compartmentalizing), as you try to project the best image that suits whom you are trying to impress.

Ahhh, does that make sense? As I write this, it makes more & more sense, and I feel more & more disgusted that I am probably not alone in this concept – collectively, we do this all the time, presenting different self’s to different people in hope to persuade them or something. Or maybe its a form of bamboozling – either way, its a way of detaching from one of your self’s, probably your true self. So when you hear the phrase ‘oh, she ain’t being herself’, it can also translate to say ‘she is trying to cater to what she thinks you want’ – and this is the slippery slope that we glide down, daily.

Don’t know how much further I can go with this rant, but if anyone out there can relate, feel free to share your thoughts.

.:: LiBM ::.

Basic This, Basic That

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Desinged by http://zibaricon.deviantart.com/

Basic Goodness

This one Woman told me that I “think too much”, which is probably true – but she framed it in a negative context (or that’s at least how I took it). And ever since she said that, things between us haven’t been the same, and by “been the same’, I mean she kinda brushed me off. Which is okay I guess, as they say, more ‘fish are in the sea’, and I further don’t have time for someone that doesn’t like the analytical nuances – which I convey.  And furthermore, these occurrences happen time after time, which makes me wonder a few things … A lot of things, but for the sake of this post, I want to find out what ‘normal’ people discuss.

Is it just Weather? The latest reality show? Workplace gossip? I tend to think I discuss these basic things also, but I would further analyze the situational factors of the reality show, and point out behavioral issues of one’s co-workers. And I look for the ‘meta’ things in life, taking the conversation to a level where the topic becomes the merits of the actual conversation (if that makes sense).  I even tried to search online to see what ‘normal people talk about’, and the more results I found, the more I realized that I wouldn’t want to subscribe to that sense of ‘normalcy’

Anyhow, I’m tempted to either change my ways – engage in that basic discourse, but a line from Lupe Fiasco keeps agitating me “When you dumb it down, its just harder to understand“, yup, guess its going to have to be good riddance to not just ‘bad rubbish’, but ‘basic rubbish’.

.:: LiBM ::.

Just …..

Just __________

Finding the motivation to keep on keeping on


It is such a simple utterance, yet we complex its meaning by uprooting real & mental obstacles. If you’re passionate about something – the thing that brings a smile to your face, the thing that gives you a tingly feeling throughout your body, the worst thing you can do is just stop following your passion. And we stop for many reasons, or find excuses to stop. Sometimes we become deterred, find ourselves uninspired, or get consumed with other life issues. Being in the entrepreneurial creative digital field, I run into people all the time that said that they stopped their passion for reason A through Z, but wish they had continued, even in a limited scope – and they all feel some sort of remorse or regret. And I usually see myself in them (pause), as I am guilty of it too, when I get frustrated, I deter and avoid the passion activity; and I think afterwards, “damn, why didn’t I just continue?”. Part of the reason why we just ‘stop’ is because we feel some friction or we are not seeing any financial reward, and let’s face it, the financial reward can be a huge source of motivation, but there exists a weird relationship between ‘passion’ and ‘money’. Like yes, following your passion in order to receive financial rewards is cool, but the money shouldn’t be the ultimate motivation – because it would confound your passion and art. As we all know, once you get money involved, you get other filters and variables involved, making your art and passion diluted with money.

Excuse the little money/motivation/passion rant, and let’s get back to the initial intent of this post, which I think it was to ‘just’ continue your passion. Don’t mind the haters, the nay-sayers: if you are getting some sense of fulfillment from your passion, continue it (**Disclaimer: lawful passions in your geographical jurisdictions).

So consider this post as self-medication for me to help me ‘just continue writing’, and the fruits of my labor will be realised in time – and if the fruit turns rotten, I still had a blast farming …. Ya digg?

.:: LiBM ::.

Prolonged Chapter

Managing Doubt and your own Expectations

Self-doubt is a real bitch; and its a tricky issue because usually the self-doubt comes from others. Or better yet, it comes from how you perceive how others think of you. Then its a spiraling effect of self-doubt from with-in, and with-out; until it leads to a state of timidness and procrastination. As you become afraid of doing something that you may or may not be too sure of, because of what someone may or may not think. Our own projections can then become a hindrance. I really don’t know or pretend to know what the cure is – the easiest thing to say is ‘Ignore the self-doubt’, easier said than done when you got the voices of your self and your peers spewing negative phrases – and for some reason in the mind, it is amplified to the ‘Nth’ degree.
For months I wanted to update this blog with a more streamlined look, but my self-doubt kept prohibiting me, first I was like, “what’s the value, no one comments on it”, but maybe they don’t comment because the mechanism to comment isn’t quite clear. I made up a plethora of other excuses too that I won’t bore you with, but I am happy that I have come to a place where I am washing away the dirt of my self-doubt. Take this is as one of those new-age affirmations of self-will and determination, or a ploy by me to commit to something because I have published it on this world wide web, but I will remove this self-doubt, and finally just ‘do the damn thing’.

New facelift coming soon … I think, lol

The mean gangsta leans

Gangsta Leanin’

Whatever happened to the fine art of the ‘lean’? That gangsta lean that let mofo’s know that you are here; it also let them know that you are not to be messed with. It seems like in the 80’s and towards the 90’s, rappers probably used to practice leaning for music videos and general interviews. Nowadays, general swag has replaced the gangsta lean, but I don’t think these artists have what EPMD, Das EFX, and others had, I don’t know, you be the judge.

80’s Mean Mugging – Defining the Lean


Eric B & Rakim – Paid in Full

Leaders of the New School

90’s – Taking the Lean into different contexts


Das EFX – catching wiggidy wreck with the Jeep in the Streets


West Coast Low Riding Leaning with Snoop

2000’s Leaning ???


Slim Thug

.:: LiBM ::.

WikiP: ‘Trust’

Trust
Virtues: relationships, predictive actions, past knowledge

I‘ve always known wikipedia to be a good resource for historical facts and events, but it never really dawned on me that wikipedia can be used as a dictionary – to look up terms and definitions of everyday words. Well, apparently to my knowledge, wikipedia is also some sort of a dictionary, but where dictionary.com only gives you the definition of a word, wikipedia gives you the definition and concepts behind the word, and relational concepts.

For example, let’s look at the word ‘Trust‘:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trust_%28social_sciences%29

Trust is a relationship of reliance. A trusted party is presumed to seek to fulfill policies, ethical codes, law and their previous promises.

Trust does not need to involve belief in the good character, vices, or morals of the other party. Persons engaged in a criminal activity usually trust each other to some extent. Also trust does not need to include an action that you and the other party are mutually engaged in. Trust is a prediction of reliance on an action, based on what a party knows about the other party. Trust is a statement about what is otherwise unknown — for example, because it is far away, cannot be verified, or is in the future.

And it goes on, and on. Reading this, I particularly find the line ‘Trust is a prediction of reliance on an action, based on what a party knows about the other party.‘ to be very telling as it really does not matter how long you have known someone to ascertain if you trust them, what is important is how much knowledge and/or insight you have on an individual – one can get that intel in years or in a matter of minutes. Family, lifelong friends should be ‘trustworthy’, but we may only perceive them as such because of the notion that such people should be the ones that we ‘trust’. Well trust me, trust can be found in the oddest of places with even the oddest of people, as trust should really be based and predicted upon the reliance of an action – based on what you know about an individual.

I believe I always have had this notion for years, but have never been able to articulated quite like the wiki has (but, I never really had the desire to do so either). Its very hard to say that I can fully trust someone – because we base trust on how we would hope/anticipate people to act in certain situations. Its a cliche to say well, “I hope they will do the right thing”, but that ‘right thing’ varies from individual to individual. It would be best to base your trust based on the immediate action + what prior information you know about the individual.

For example:

You would not trust him with your kids:


Michael Jackson

You would not trust him with your 15 year old daughter:


R. Kelly

You would not trust her with keeping a secret:


Karrine Superhead Steffans

You would not trust him (Ike Turner) with your personal safety:


Ike Turner & Tina Turner

You would not trust his word:


O.J. Simpson

In all, you would not trust these people in the examples that I prescribed, but that does not directly correlate that you would not trust them in other scenarios: R. Kelly could be able to give you good advice & direction regarding the music industry, O.J. may be a trustful source of information for football skills & techniques, and Karrine ‘Superhead’ Steffans may be a good source of intel on how to keep a man … any guess on how she would do that? (LOL).

But, in all importance, we all need to put our trust in ourselves as we must be confident and, we must try to attain a sense of surety that the decisions we make will be the ‘right’ one.

.:: d.b ::.

3rd Person B

3rd Person B
Living the narrative

The third person is commonly referred to as a narrative in which one is telling a story of themselves or of subjects. In novels the third person narrative is imperative as it reveals the thoughts of the protagonist and other characters of interest. Sometimes I think that my life is lived as a narrative, making myself the narrator; as I find myself accurately predicting and/or calling the thoughts and actions of others. Which has its positives & negative associations, but with this skill, it has made me very objective. You know, always trying to be impartial, be considerate of others, be politically correct; especially in the work environment, as you know we live in the age of pussification where one’s individual voice is muted at work as one dare not try to express any thought and/or emotion for fear of insulting anyone’s personal beliefs. However, subconsciously, I think that 3rd person aspect seeps its way into your personal life like ooze, and it has caused me to respond in my personal relationships as I did in my work relationships. A couple of years ago, I remember someone telling me of this behaviour, but I thought that they were way off, but now recollecting, it made sense.

Since then, I’ve worked on it, some have said that I worked on it too much (by being brutally honest), but I guess as the saying goes, ‘you cant please everyone’. And really and truly, being ‘liked by others’ is completely over-rated.

What do y’all think? Share your thoughts and comments, share the knowledge.

.:: d.b

Life in B Major
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Breathe & Stop

Breathtakers
Virtues: Cot damn, sexy, ravishing

They come when you least expect it;
Taking you back to a place in time where bliss stays rampant & inhibition is diluted;
Their mere presence alters your rhythm;
Thought is interrupted, Breath is suspended, Mobility is stalled;
Time slows to a snail’s pace, and vision acuity is crystallized
Focus, ready, shoot.
Snap!
The memory is sharper than any Digi SLR;
Filed & archived away as a moment in time that will last forever as I continue my walk down the city sidewalk.

Why they are the way they are

Why they are the way they are
Virtues: Perseverance, Strength, Courage, Black Women

It has been said that black women have an attitude.

Not only do they have attitude, but they are opinionated, calculating, and have a low tolerance for … just about anything.

They move swiftly throughout; strong & defiant to get what they want.

You dare not argue with black women because you will lose; even if you are right, trust me, you will lose some other way.

We have classified black women as Bitches; because their opinions clash with our alpha-male persona.
We call them hood rats because their Fathers have abandoned them and have forced the single-mother to fend for themselves with a dependent(s) in a decaying environments.
We objectify them in pop culture as video vixens that are only as relevant as their ‘assets’ or their willingness to please others (RE: Karine ‘Superhead’ Steffans).
We call them hoes as a way to characterize their promiscuous lifestyle, but for men, that same promiscuity is revered & receives adoration.

So, I get it. Black women will drive you crazy; they will be pesky, vocal, and confrontational. Black women don’t put up with shit – they deserve better & will not settle for less.
So yeah, the attitude is there, but is a manifestation of how they have been treated over generations; they have been shitted on forever, but are now doing the dumping.

And that is why they ‘are’ the way they ‘are’.

.:: d.b

Give Thanks to the Haters

Give thanks to the Haters
Virtues: respect, doubt, confidence, self-inflicting

Christmas is that time of the year to give thanks, spend time with your loved ones, and to reflect on the past and the future. We give thanks to faith, family, and friends that help us map our course through life. But I want to give thanks to a class of people that serves a useful purpose for society – the haters. I was trying to find a definition of the word ‘hater’ at urbandictonary.com, but some of the entries were a bit out there, so I will not define it in a statement, but in the following dialogue:

Give thanks to haters for …
– without them, we wouldn’t second-guess ourselves and question our judgment
– for doubting our abilities and reducing our confidence in ourselves
– for distracting us from the ‘eye on the prize’ with their ‘hataration’
– making fun of Britney (though may be warranted), but for also trivializing public breakdowns such as the fate of Amy Winehouse
– for taking hip-hop culture to another level as deliberate acts of a ‘beatdown’ of a rap artist was put on YouTube
– above all, wasting our time procrastinating, thinking; helping us to avoid our fears, goals, and challenges because of the ‘seed’ that you have put in our mind – the seed of doubt, that grows with each passing of a thought such as ‘maybe I can’t do it’, or ‘maybe I shouldn’t, because’.

Haters don’t do much damage as we do to ourselves, but let’s give thanks to them because without them, we wouldn’t realize that our full potential is greater than what they could ever imagine and/or hate on.

See you in ’08 Haters!

.:: d.b
http://desieb.blogspot.com

Dont impress me kid

 

Don’t Impress Me Kid

 

Virtues: self-monitoring, respect, accolades, getting ‘gassed’, hype, tolerance 

ExcerptLook at me, look at me. I am the ish, I do this, I do that – join MY team. I AM doing so well, I AM ballin’ – you gots to believe ME! Or is it believe IN me??? …. — Behavior of the ‘Gassed’ Individual

Ever had this happen to you? I’ve had plenty of times – you see an old acquaintance/friend from your past; high school, college, old neighborhood or just from around the way. Now, personally I rarely need accolades from others to build my self-confidence or self-esteem; I use rarely because I can admit that ‘yes’ it feels nice to be praised every once in awhile, but I feel it is only valid if I’m not looking for the accolades …. Enter the main theme of this piece. I’m referring to that dude or girl who you see every once in awhile whom tries to get your respect & praise from what they are doing in their own lives. They try so hard to persuade you to say ‘wow’ ‘ooh’, and ‘ahh'; they may do this with over exaggerating situations, showing you pictures & images to show proof of what they are doing, or by even telling you to talk to a mutual friend to verify/solidify their prominence. I’m not hating one’s hustle or grind, get money & stay true.

But, one should not need the approval of others, or try hard to make others feel impressed because that comes off really shallow; one’s self-worth isn’t much. I’ll use the term ‘gas’ to describe these people as they try to fill-up their ego with high-octane so that they can feel that they are ‘somebody'; and yes, we are all ‘somebody’, but those that need ‘gas’ are NOT happy with that ‘somebody’ whom they are.

I guess the ‘gas’ is propelling them to their ideal ‘somebody’ … but I ain’t gonna help the process, ya dig?

.:: Peace ::.
http://www.vacantlot.org/