Category Archives: Relationships

Relationships: Understanding how humans relate to each other

Small Business Malarkey

big-business-bailout-plan

Small Business Talk

I’ve worked with many small businesses throughout the years and for the most part the experience has been beneficial to me in realizing GA certain salient point – I either don’t really want to work with them or makes me want to focus on my own business (which is small). By definition, ‘small businesses’ are exactly what their title implies – so this causes resources limitations, and more annoyingly the hustling by them to try and get you to do work for free – which I hear to often. Small Businesses can at times use the tactic of “do this job for us, and down the road it may open up the opportunity for more work” – I’m sure that many entrepreneurs and creative professionals have heard this line in many ways and forms:
– You know if you do this for us, well it can be the start of a partnership
– If you do this and it turns out well, I know several other businesses that may require your services

The ‘Dangling Carrot’ works as you (the rabbit) is susceptible to chasing this carrot because we want to be successful – and we want more carrots of course.

Now don’t get this post confused with myself not understanding that small businesses are the backbone and core of this economy – and heck, I’m a small business owner myself, though I haven’t really tried to exploit others to work for free for me, guess my thing with ethics and doing the ‘right thing’, kinda gets in the way.

If you have a small business story to share, please post in the comments.

.::LiBM::.

On the Strength Of

Feats-of-Strength
Recently had to ask some people that I work with a strange request: “can I have a woman dump a bag of flour on you?”. Yes, the bag of flour that you make bread & cake with. At first, I thought that I would be looked at as a ‘madman’ – or to some, ‘madder’, but I decided to ask anyway. Sometimes I was hesitant, other times I was blunt with it. I found out that most people at first found the request strange – as I expected. Some said ‘nah’, which I knew was gonna happen, however more people than I thought actually agreed. No compensation was offered, nothing was promised, which led me to ask the question as to why they would agree to such a request. And the only answer I could possibly fathom is the apt title of this post – ‘on the Strength of’.

One could only agree to such a request if they fully believed and supported the individual making the request. This had me almost kinda baffled because sometimes, or most times, I question and doubt my self, ideas, and concepts, but it is almost overwhelming (don’t worry, not gonna cry) to know that there are a group of people around me that will ‘ride for the cause’, primarily because they believe in ‘YOU’. And its odd, and something that I have to change. I should be my biggest believer in my self before anyone else is. We all should aim to have that same mindset.

.:: LiBM ::.

Unresponsiveness is a Response

feedback-loop

Feedback Loop w/ no FeedBack

Insecurity Intelligence

In any system, there exists certain rules that dictate how that system operates. In Computers, when a user selects an application to open, the OS must find the files, execute the code, send instructions to RAM and so on. Everything has to be responsive in the computer in order for the application you selected to show up on your screen – when that application doesn’t show up, something in the system is unresponsive. And that can really be frustrating to the user, especially if its an app that you really need. To correlate this to the ‘real world’, I’m coming to terms with ‘unresponsiveness’ from people, especially in group dynamics. I used to give people the ‘benefit of the doubt’, and make excuses for their unresponsiveness, but I think its a lost cause. Not only are they unresponsiveness to your stimuli (thought, idea, email, txt), but they are unresponsive to YOU, as a person. And when you have a ‘team mindset’, you should operate with a ‘consensus’ attitude – I operate with that ‘ebb & flow’ of communications, ideas, and debates. But when you put out ideas & concepts to your team, and you got to cattle prod them for a response, I’m learning that the cattle prod isn’t necessary. At this stage, you are looking more for ‘Validation’ than a ‘Response’, and that is a sign of one’s own insecurity. Insecurity is what holds us back, doubt ourselves, and causes strain on relationships. A BlackBerry slogan tagline goes something like ‘Action Starts Here’, which is their little red asterisk on a message, remove the corporate intent, and it can be said that ‘action’ should begin at a stimuli – and maybe some people are just better at action than others … And for the others that aren’t as ‘better’ than one whom is, don’t let their ‘inaction’ slow you down or sway your motivation or cast doubt.

Maybe I’m babbling here, but anybody that has been in a team environment on a startup business can probably relate. Share your stories about unresponsiveness in the comments below.

.:: LiBM ::.

Laugh about it

Girl-Laughing-Out-Loud

Keep Calm, and Laugh On

Sometimes you just have to ‘Laugh About It’ – at situations that involve yourself. Specifically the situations that you act indifferent over; like it can go either way, and either way it goes you won’t get overly worked up about it. They say that laughter is a ‘medicine’ to life’s stresses & ills – which I agree, there have been studies that show that when we laugh, chemicals are released in the body that relaxes us – with the end result being that we experience momentary happiness.

Personally, I sometimes have to laugh at the situations that I find myself in, but more specifically the disparity of the narratives in my head. To explain further, pretty much the differences of how I think of a situation or a person, and how that person thinks of it. Being one that is creative, likes to write narratives, storylines, and characters, its no wonder that that brand of thinking has fused over into how I see/construct my personal relationships with people. I’m one to write narratives with metaphors, deep subtext, and immersive correlations – which are great on paper or in a scene that you Produce; but it doesn’t translate that well in the real world. People don’t pick up on the subtle nuances so easily, and its damn near impossible for them to pick-up on the narrative that you are trying to construct with them – so rather than the relationship being an indie film with intricate metaphors & creative subtext/sub-plots, its best to keep it a blockbuster movie – make sh*t clear and transparent as possible to understand. Another case of ‘dumbing it down’, and for myself – not being able to realize this, I definitely have to ‘Laugh About it’.

Lessons learned, one chuckle at a time. Well, one chuckle at yourself at a time. As always, I try to correlate these little anecdotes of me to a greater scale, so here are some reasons why its good to ‘Laugh About it’, when situations.

maury-not-the-father-gif-dance
Hearing that you are “Not the Father!” on Maury
Man trying to get womans attention
The Ugly Girl that has stalked you for months, finally finds YOU as being ugly and undesirable
condition_yp_exam
Stressing over that exam that you thought you did so poorly on, but you actually passed it with flying colors
first_kiss
Finally mustering up the courage to tell that girl that you like her, and she feels the same way

 

These are all situations that we have a tendency to feel great cognitive dissonance with, as we battle with the extremes in the situation & all of the possible outcomes that may transpire. So in the end of this rabbling-fest, remember to ‘Laugh About it’, and ‘Laugh at yourself’, because most of the situations that we have battles with are not that serious and if we got over our own personal insecurities, our future self would probably slap our present self for being so timid and scared to take risks …. Oh, and more importantly, our future self would laugh at us, which would mean the future self is laughing at our self.

.:: LiBM ::.

Accountability

Jesse-Accountability.jpg

Where art thou Consequence

First, ‘Breaking Bad’ has to be thee best, or one of the best TV series on air right now. This post is in reference to the episode ‘Problem Dog’, where ‘Jesse’ sits in an Addiction Help Group where he comes to a revelation regarding self-help. He poses the question, “So, if we just do stuff, and nothing happens, what does it all mean? What’s the point?”. He is referring to the idea of ‘accountability’ and ‘consequences'; see, Jesse had been doing some sinister actions and yet he hadn’t been held accountable and received no consequences (jail, retribution, etc.); and he is questioning what it all means – why do some people get to do things and suffer no consequences for their actions? By consequences, I’m not necessarily referring to the ‘negative’, but I sometimes think we are increasingly living in an era, where people are doing wild/outlandish things, saying things – but no one questions and/or holds them accountable. I guess the question of accountability has always existed, with the rich & powerful using their status in of itself as a rationale for not being held accountable – they believe they have a certain sense of self-entitlement to say or do things ‘just because’ they can, and no consequence can affect them.

It is almost like we are in the ‘Wild Wild West’ of Free Speech:

Chief Keef
– openly talks about on-going investigations

Kim Kadarshian
– we all know her rise to fame, and now she has a fragrance line

The Game
– Videotaping a beatdown of ’40 Glocc’ (yes, that’s his name)

But I find with the rise of Social Media and our increasingly ‘free expression’ (which there is nothing wrong with that), that no longer does this sense of ‘fleeting accountability’ can be reserved for the rich & powerful, but can be reserved for the average Joe & Jane. You can go on the social networks and see the constant nonsense of people spewing out comments, recklessly, as if they feel they can say what they want, with out feeling they have to back-it-up with something called ‘substance’ or ‘logic’. Is this something that I am just seeing? Or can anyone else out there relate?

Free Expression is a beautiful thing, it really is, many nations are currently fighting & dying for it as we speak, but let’s not believe we can just say things and not be held accountable for it. Every action should have a consequence to it, or a re-action; such is the law of nature, a law that we all abide by.

.:: LiBM ::.

Catering to your preconceptions of Others

Boxes

Cater to what I think you want

Don’t know if I have a lot to write about this, as I’ve just been able to encapsulate this thought into easy digestable words. But I’m sure that I’m not the only one that holds back on saying things for fear of thinking what others might do and/or think. I guess it could be some sort of a chess strategy, but in doing this, it also builds cognitive dissonance; and if its one thing I’ve learned after spending thousands of dollars for a Psych degree is that Cognitive Dissonance is a Bitch – to put ot mildly. Yet, I for some reason, even knowing the bitch that Cognitive Dissonance is, still deal with trying to predict what others believe. And when you cater to what you think other people believe and such,this can turn you into some sort of a ‘Shape Shifter'(Compartmentalizing), as you try to project the best image that suits whom you are trying to impress.

Ahhh, does that make sense? As I write this, it makes more & more sense, and I feel more & more disgusted that I am probably not alone in this concept – collectively, we do this all the time, presenting different self’s to different people in hope to persuade them or something. Or maybe its a form of bamboozling – either way, its a way of detaching from one of your self’s, probably your true self. So when you hear the phrase ‘oh, she ain’t being herself’, it can also translate to say ‘she is trying to cater to what she thinks you want’ – and this is the slippery slope that we glide down, daily.

Don’t know how much further I can go with this rant, but if anyone out there can relate, feel free to share your thoughts.

.:: LiBM ::.

Basic This, Basic That

Desinged by http://zibaricon.deviantart.com/
Desinged by http://zibaricon.deviantart.com/

Basic Goodness

This one Woman told me that I “think too much”, which is probably true – but she framed it in a negative context (or that’s at least how I took it). And ever since she said that, things between us haven’t been the same, and by “been the same’, I mean she kinda brushed me off. Which is okay I guess, as they say, more ‘fish are in the sea’, and I further don’t have time for someone that doesn’t like the analytical nuances – which I convey.  And furthermore, these occurrences happen time after time, which makes me wonder a few things … A lot of things, but for the sake of this post, I want to find out what ‘normal’ people discuss.

Is it just Weather? The latest reality show? Workplace gossip? I tend to think I discuss these basic things also, but I would further analyze the situational factors of the reality show, and point out behavioral issues of one’s co-workers. And I look for the ‘meta’ things in life, taking the conversation to a level where the topic becomes the merits of the actual conversation (if that makes sense).  I even tried to search online to see what ‘normal people talk about’, and the more results I found, the more I realized that I wouldn’t want to subscribe to that sense of ‘normalcy’

Anyhow, I’m tempted to either change my ways – engage in that basic discourse, but a line from Lupe Fiasco keeps agitating me “When you dumb it down, its just harder to understand“, yup, guess its going to have to be good riddance to not just ‘bad rubbish’, but ‘basic rubbish’.

.:: LiBM ::.

Whom should pay for dates? Men or Women?

who should pay

Is Chivalry Dead?

So you were able to persuade the girl of your dreams in going on a date with you, perfect. Things are going well, you give her your magic charm, she is smiling & laughing (hopefully not at you), the food is good, and you end up paying, and you take her home. Good Stuff. But the cycle of you paying for the meal after the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and to the 10th date, starts to leave you wondering, “When is she going to pay for the date?”. And this is the question that is the fuel for debate, and equally the source of arguments as some women, regardless of how long they have been dating their Man, refuse to pay for dates. Chivalry is not dead, is it? Yes, Men should do certain things, but we also live in an age of equality – with the rise of Feminism, women desire & want to be treated as equal, as they should be. But in some facets of life, they still want the Man to ‘take care’ of certain things such as dates – even if they are in a long-term committed relationship or even married.

A lot has been said also on whom initiates the date – meaning that if the Man asks the Woman out, then the Man should pay – I can understand that. But after awhile, once a mutual understanding is established, and once both parties are interested in each other, then that is when things such as dates should start being shared, right? This video illustrates the differing views between males & females on whom should pay for date – hilarity ensues as most women will stick to their guns that women should NEVER pay for dates, and where Men are always trying to walk that fine line of ‘wishing/hoping’ that women eventually start sharing or paying their ‘fair share’.

______
Starring Comedians:
Sylvana: @sylvanasays
Justin Laite: facebook.com/justin.laite
Produced by Urban Comedy Network

.:: LiBM ::.

Flippin’ the Neediness

dumping

Flip the Neediness?

A method to dump your partner w/o being the ‘Bad Guy’

I’m sure we all have had that experience of being with someone that just became too needy over time; at first their needy behavior was ‘adorable, but then it grew into a weird beast that is both weird and sometimes creepy – with constant text messages and phone calls. Well, there are a couple of ways to deal with the needy:

  • Drop ‘em like its hot – the fastest & equally coldest method
  • Tolerate – answer the constant text messages/phone calls
  • Flip the Neediness – YOU become the needy one!
Now this is the one that is most interesting, ‘Flippin the Neediness’. Defined by comic Justin Laite, this is the process of becoming even MORE needier that your needy partner so that they start realizing that YOU are the neediness and with the hopes that they eventually dump you because they can’t handle your needy behavior any more.  So for instance if they call you 5 times a day, then you start calling them 20 times a day.  Send them over 50 text messages a day; describe your toast, coffee, brunch, lunch, and so on.  ‘Like’ and comment on all of their FaceBook posts everyday.  Eventually, they should be sick of you and will start to think that YOU have a problem.  This is almost an ideal situation if it works because it removes the burden of dumping someone that is emotionally unstable.  Classic.
Has anyone tried this before? What has been your findings? I would presume it would be awesome.

_____________________
Starring Comedians:
Sylvana: @sylvanasays
Justin Laite: facebook.com/justin.laite
Produced by Urban Comedy Network

Oppositional Disorder

Oppositional Disorder

Hate, Misdirected

I think this may be a trait of good ‘ol haterism, oppositional disorder is one of those created theories to describe the tendency of people to just oppose anything – any argument, no matter how logical and plausible the argument is, they will still oppose. And you may get to thinking, “Damn, Rhonda is just a bitch; that bitch opposes anything”, and yes, she may be a Bitch, but she is not necessarily opposing your arguments, but she is opposing the idea of ‘you’, and anything that you stand for, or utter. And this oppositional disorder tendency is prevalent throughout society; we have examples of oppositional disorder characters all over.

Politics
– I’m sure the initial ideals of politics are nothing like the current political landscape, because now politics are only about directly opposing the position of your competitor. Even if one party fundamentally agrees with a proposed policy or bill of another party, they will find/create some flaw to oppose it.

News Pundits
Though the environment is created by the news producers, but most news shows focus on discussing a topic, having one person from the left, one person from the right, and having the news anchor moderate the argument between the two – that makes for ‘Great TV’

Most Parents vs Adolescents
I’m sure most teenagers and youth feel that their parents just ‘hate’ and oppose everything they wanna do, and similarly, I am sure that Parents feel the same way – as their children that they have raised from birth, whom are now forming their identity and opinions, seem to oppose each & everything they say.

Flirting
Believe it or not, the oppositional disorder can be used in the romance department. To create intrigue, mystery, and conversation going strong – just oppose what she says, because 9 times out of 10 she will be wrong, and it creates a case for you to show off your wonderful rhetoric skills (make sure you have such skills before attempting)

In all, the oppositional disorder is all over, and if you oppose anything I said in this piece, then you have the disorder too.

.:: LiBM ::.