An analogy is both the cognitive process of transferring information from a particular subject (the analogue or source) to another particular subject (the target), and a linguistic expression corresponding to such a process. That is the technical term, the logical term is that analogies provide clearer examples of what one is talking about – it provides one with clarity and a universal social example that most can relate to. And often, they can be very funny, witty, and dumb – nonetheless, they provide amusement. So here are some of the witty, dumb, and funny analogies:
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Hope you were able to laugh a bit at this, cause boy did this help pass by time @ work!
Many rappers can rap: talking about their ice, cars, hoes, and such – anyone can do it. But what distinguishes a rapper from an MC is their ability to tell a story; for 3-4 minutes to take you on a mental ride through their lives and how they see it. To feel their emotions: elation or pain, bliss or remorse, concept records have pushed the artform ahead, as rappers have stretched the boundaries of imagination.
Nas – One Love
– This was the song that got Nas on the hip-hop light as it was his first major music video. Even Mobb Deep was up in it
State of Man and Conflict, iTunery, protect the State
Not to go on a Tangent but …
Preamble: This is the most politco, socio, humano (humanist) rant yet; but I think I balance it from both sides, so take it in, let me know what you think.
Protests
In Toronto, the Tamil community of Sri Lanka descent have been very vocal about the 20+ year ongoing war going back home in the community; the war has claimed thousands of lives. I get that, and in Western democracies, we allow free protest on issues – as long as those issues don’t impede or jeopardize public safety. So, with that said, protesting on a busy downtown highway, threatening to march on the 401 (one of North America’s busiest highways), and strategically demonstrating during rush hours on busy downtown streets, do two things. First, it really does draw attention to your cause and concern – it definitely draws attention, kudos. However, and most importantly, secondly, it questions logic and foresight of your cause and realism. Take your cause to the Federal government; not the provincial government; if you are really serious about your cause, shut down a major transportation artery in Ottawa or rally on Parliament Hill, not the Gardner Expressway. And my next point, which is a sad state of our world society, well sad state of ‘nations’; the world community usually only intervenes in areas where there is a benefit to them. Meaning, that nations will only sacrifice the lives of their own soldiers if it will return a benefit for them – they will go into Iraq because of the vast resources of oil, but they won’t go into places like the Sudan where genocide is going on for years, because there is NO investment on their return. Put some natural gas or precious metals in Sri Lanka, and the International Community will be quick to intervene.
With that said, I am not saying don’t protest; speak your mind – but I hope the protesters understand the totality of the situation, and hopefully the totality that was expressed here is not the harsh truth.
iTunes manual sync
This is random, but I’m a go in anyway – on my iPod Touch, I download a lot of podcasts – just to explore the good and bad of the Internet. Now, when I download the podcasts through the iTunes store on my Touch through a wifi connection, its gravy, with biscuits. But, as soon as I do a MANUAL sync of my Touch with my computer, the downloaded podcasts are sometimes deleted (even though it is on MANUAL sync). Furthermore, the PC version of iTunes doesn’t even see the podcasts that I downloaded via wifi connection to my Touch! Come on iTunes team, test all possible conditions of your software please; as soon as you started locking these things down (remember with the old iPods, you could explore the folders on a PC/Mac) then you introduced a whole lot of problems.
Protecting the State
So the Obama administration in an attempt to make good on their campaign promises, somehow bring about the topic of prisoner abuse that occurred during the Bush Administration – I thought this was dealt with a few years ago, but that is besides the point. Now, they are attempting the block of releasing more pictures of the abuse that we all know happened; essentially trying to close Pandora’s box (that they themselves opened). In all this, Cheney has been very vocal in defending the tactics used; going on CNN, Fox, ABC, and a whole slew of news shows to reiterate the fact that the interrogation tactics work, and such tactics have prevented attacks. A side debate on all of this drama, is the argument that the Obama administration should not be releasing this information; as it will fuel further disdain for America across the world. Nothing good for the state can come about the further public exploration of this topic; it was already discussed a few years ago, and we know the ugly truth – we should learn from our mistakes and move on. For the Obama administration to berate the situation like beating a dead horse is asinine, and will not do anything to benefit the American people. Move on, and learn from the mistakes; but don’t further expose your state to public scrutiny that your enemies can use against you … Obama may need to read the book ‘The Art of War’ …
To all blend DJ’s, abstract artists, digital designers, application program developers, fiction writers, and like-minded individuals; hypervigilance, which you may interpret as paranoia, needs to be realized, channeled, and understood appropriately for your forward momentum. Growing up, I am sure we can all recall those kids that were weird, dressed funny, socially were out of place, but they excelled in the arts; paintings, drawings, molding, et cetera. A possible reason for this is having hypervigilance, which can be described as “an enhanced state of sensory sensitivity accompanied by an exaggerated intensity of behaviors whose purpose is to detect threats. Hypervigilance is also accompanied by a state of increased anxiety which can cause exhaustion. Other symptoms include: abnormally increased arousal, a high responsiveness to stimuli and a constant scanning of the environment for threats”. So in the structural definition, a hypervigilant person can be likened to one who is very paranoid about themselves, their surroundings, and exaggerate subtle environment cues as threats to their own safety.
Causality to the Creative
So if this sounds like you, don’t worry, its even better if you are somewhat creative as researchers have correlated links between hypervigilant people and creativity, a study in the September 2003 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that the brains of creative people appear to be more open to incoming stimuli from the surrounding environment. A University of Toronto press release noted, “Other people’s brains might shut out this same information through a process called ‘latent inhibition’ – defined as an animal’s unconscious capacity to ignore stimuli that experience has shown are irrelevant to its needs. “Through psychological testing, the researchers showed that creative individuals are much more likely to have low levels of latent inhibition. “This means that creative individuals remain in contact with the extra information constantly streaming in from the environment,” says co-author and University of Toronto psychology professor Jordan Peterson.
Benefit for you
It appears that reduced latent inhibition can be beneficial for creativity as decreased latent inhibition may make an individual more likely to see connections that others may not notice. This may explain why so many creative individuals partake in solitary acts; it fosters inspiration and creativity by absorbing environmental stimuli. Or how you may have some friends that will comment and be able to talk about the strangest and peculiar details of life. However, with all this sensory stimulation, one can be overwhelmed – which in some cases, can lead one to madness. But interestingly enough, Einstein, Newton, and other creative individuals that have enhanced mankind were labeled as ‘genius’, but many said that they bordered on the line of madness and insanity. Many times, I always thought I was a genius or maybe I was just crazy … I am sure many of the hypervigilant folk can relate.
A Logical Mess
Its always the worst when your away from work for a couple of days and your work peer comes over to your desk to do your work and completely reorganizes your things. They say that they were just trying to ‘clean up’ your things, but b**ch, the perceived chaos/mess is subjective – and usually items are strategically placed in certain areas for a reason. Its really rude and abrasive to come into another person’s work area and go through their stuff; business and/or personal – usually they do it to snoop, lames. These types of people need to be dealt with; severely and swiftly (you know what I mean).
Road Closures Driving on the highway especially in the summer is an interesting time as construction narrows lanes, roads are unpaved, and they always have signs indicating that a certain part of the highway will be closed during a certain time between certain intersections. This is a gross logical error, because if you are traveling eastbound, the signs will tell you the closures that affect eastbound traffic only; but, the driver most likely will need to know of any construction occurring on the westbound lanes (as it will be rare that the driver will travel eastbound again after returning westbound). Am I the only one that has noticed this? Does it not make sense to give notice to the most likely course of actions of drivers?
Paypalery
This will be quick and sweet, but isn’t it odd that Paypal is quick to charge you fees for your transactions whether you are buying or selling, but when you need to withdraw some money from paypal it takes 5-8 business days … Just saying …
We have, and will probably always be in a litigious era where lawyers run rampant trying to sue over every little thing. This leads to a tie up of our judicial system, which in turns causes taxpayers more money; and now, more than ever, we need to find ways to save money. Anyhow, enjoy:
United States ex rel. Gerald Mayo v. Satan and His Staff
54 F.R.D. 282 (W.D. Penn. 1971) A Real Devil of a Litigant. Plaintiff filed suit against Satan and his staff for violation of his civil rights. Among the allegations were: (1) that Satan had on numerous occasions caused him misery and unwarranted threats, all against his will; (2) that Satan had placed deliberate obstacles in his path that caused Plaintiff’s downfall; and (3) that by reason of the foregoing acts, Satan had deprived him of his constitutional rights.
The court noted that, “Even if plaintiff’s complaint reveals a prima facie recital of the infringement of the civil rights of a citizen of the United States, the Court has serious doubts that the complaint reveals a cause of action upon which relief can be granted by the court.”
The court went on about its concerns and further noted, “We question whether plaintiff may obtain personal jurisdiction over the defendant in this judicial district …. the plaintiff has failed to include with his complaint the required form of instructions for the United States Marshal for directions as to service of process.”
Case dismissed as frivolous.
Carter v. United States
530 U.S. 255, 185 F.3d 863 (2000) Playboy Mystery Writer Unveiled? In a dissenting opinion, Justice Ruth Ginsberg wrote, “The Court’s woodenly literal construction gives rise to practical abnomalies and effectively shrinks the jury’s choices while enlarging the prosecutor’s options.”
Ruth v. Congress of the United States
71 F.R.D. 676 (D. N.J. 1976) Right to a Speedy Trial? Plaintiff, while a guest in the federal penitentiary in Atlanta, filed suit, in pro per, against the U.S. Congress. Among his allegations were the constitutionality of a number of statutes dealing with the salaries, retirement pay, survivors’ benefits, etc., of Judges, U.S. Attorneys, Clerks, Marshals, and others; and that he was unjustly tried and convicted in both Federal and State courts because the charges against him were processed and tried by the court and staff in an extremely rapid manner, failing to consider all issues, due to the fact that the court “was overworked and under paid.”
Case dismissed as frivolous.
Koutsouradis v. Delta Airlines
___ F.4d ___ (11th Cir. 2005) Batteries Included. A 36 year old married woman filed a lawsuit against Delta Airlines for being publicly humiliated after she boarded a Delta Airlines flight with her husband in Dallas, Texas on a stop over from Las Vegas, Nevada to her home in Clearwater, Florida. After boarding, the woman surprising heard her name being called on the plane’s P.A. system asking her to identfy herself and to please come forward. Alarmed, the woman complied, and was greeted by a Delta security agent who informed her that something in her luggage was vibrating. The woman was escorted off of the plane by the security agent and lead to the tarmack next to the plane where her luggage had been placed. The woman explained to the security agent that the vibrating must be from an adult toy she purchased while in Las Vegas. The security agent, not being satisfied with this representation, made the woman remove the toy from the luggage and hold it up for inspection, in full view of curious passengers looking out the windows of the plane as well as in front of a few Delta ground personnel who, as the complaint alleges, “began laughing hysterically.” The woman was allowed to repack her luggage and return to her seat on the plane. Albeit, a little red faced we’re sure.
The Broken Black Family, Open the banks late, and girly Hypocrisy
Banking Hours
On a trip to NYC in early ’09, I noticed something so amazing and logical – Banking Hours should be complimentary to our working hours. The normal working hours are 9-5 Monday thru Fridays; most banks close at like 4 or 5, or they may open late on a Thursday or Friday to 6 or 8. I have to give TD Canada Trust some credit for having most of their banks open until 8 Monday thru Fridays, and Saturday open till like 3 or 4. But back to the point of this rant, in NYC, they have banks open 7 days a week; apparently and coincidentally, TD Waterhouse is holding it down out there with banks open until late and open on both days of the weekend. And it makes sense, get customers in when they have the most time; if there is a specific transaction that has to be done on a weekday, process as much as you can on the weekend, then finalize it on Monday morning. BMO, RBC, CIBC – get with the program!
Family Time
Sitting in a City Park over the weekend with the girlfriend, and something good and sad at the same time became apparent. The good: there is still a strong sense that when the weather is nice families like to go to the park and bond with each other; whether it is a BBQ, volleyball, or just a walk in the park. The bad: we didn’t see much black families partaking in this; there was an abundance of white, Asian, and Indian families all spending time with each other in an urban city park. Now maybe, I am reading a bit too much into it; and I have a tendency to find correlations between unseemingly unrelated things, but I think that the lack of representation can be likened to the bigger problem of the state of the Black Family. It is known that the Black Family is in a state of repair; trying to mend the cloth that was ripped by slavery as slave masters deliberately broke up members of Black family to demoralize their spirit. And ever since then, the black family, in comparison to other races, do not have the same strong bond as others. The one good thing about Tyler Perry films is that it emphasizes the importance of family – guess they are good for something, lol.
Hypocrisy
Its always a satisfying moment when you catch your girlfriend in her own hypocritical ish. Ahh, its refreshing and invigorating. And when they get caught in it, they get quite like a mouse, and try to make up some rubbish excuse that is unique to their current situation. However, you should be subtle and not take it overboard in your tangent/rip into their hypocrisy, rather take the ‘You-know-that-I-know-that-you-have-just-been-caught-in-your-own-ish’ approach, and save the card for a rainy to day to credit when you trip up!
Important Information
I get a lot of mail; most of it are bills and/or statements, the rare occasion I will get a cheque from the government for like $40 (woo-hoo!). Thus, I usually allow the mail to sit for a couple of days as it does not bring me any excitement. From time to time I will be tricked into opening something instantly; as I may think that it actually has something beneficial for me – you know those envelopes that are very vague in nature, “Important Information”, or “Time Sensitive Material”. And I guess is the hope that something meaningful will be inside the envelope – but it never is, it is always some dumb credit card offer or a chance to join some dumb club for ‘exclusive discounts’. Whenever you see something that says ‘Important Information’, it rarely is not.
Breakfast
It is the most important meal of the day that we all should make time for, but it always seems we are running late and never have time to eat a real breakfast. We may grab a Yop, those nutrigrain bars just to tie us over, but we all know that isn’t enough. After the hour commute, most times I get to work hungry, and the whole day I am eating a meal behind; my lunch is making up for my breakfast, dinner for lunch, et cetera. We could buy breakfast on the go (McD’s, Timmy’s, cafeteria), but we all know that if that is done a daily basis – it adds up, and multiplies. And taking a little extra time in the morning to make those eggs or oatmeal, can make a big difference – in our wallets and our tummies.
Media and Pandemics
This whole swine flu thing needs to be really put into perspective; A) it is not a new virus, it has been around since 1930, though relatively dormant until now. B) In the event that it does swing out of control, there are sufficient quantities of the vaccine to treat people. C) In comparison to the average Influenza flu that millions of people get each year, and of which 30,000 die annually in the U.S. – this swine flu has only claimed a few people in Mexico, and 1 infant in the U.S. So let’s not panic, and let’s return back to the real news story – the troubling recession. I am sure the Obama administration is enjoying this break from the media critiquing its economic stimulus packages and recession policies.
A flashbulb memory is a memory created in great detail during a personally significant event, often a shocking event of national or international importance. These memories are perceived to have a “photographic” quality. The term was coined by Brown and Kulik, who found highly emotional memories (e.g. hearing bad news) were often vividly recalled, even some time after the event.
Now of course we all can recall where we were when our loved one’s died, birth of our children, Princess Di dying, Sept 11, 2001 Terrorists attacks; pretty much any monumental event throughout history – we have an uncanny ability to recall exactly what we were doing when we learned of such information. The memory is usually very clear and precise, which makes me wonder/wish why I can’t recall other things that were pivotal in my development. I am sure you all can relate that you wish you could recall things more clearly because it would either help your current situation at the extreme, and at the minimal, it would put a smile on your face – either or, it would give you more understanding.
So here are what we probably all wish were flashbulb memories:
The first time we got our mack on
The first time we realized someone was flirting with us
First time we realized that we can tell when someone is talking B.S.
Too bad we can’t create our own original flashbulb memories …
I was listening to some talk show podcast, and they were debating the pros and cons of reacting vs. responding; at first I thought that they were pretty much the same in definition; a course of action after an event, but upon further research, the conceps are evolved. A reaction can be likened upon an impulsive action focused on a narrow part of the overall situation, usually to the exclusion of larger goals and objectives. Whereas a response can be defined as a wiser course of action that considers the complexities of people and circumstances; responses aims to accomplish goals based on a more through understanding of the whole situation.
Thus, it is safe to say that responding should be the ideal course of response for us mortals, however I believe, and I am sure that many of you probably agree, that we tend to react more than we respond. We fly off the handle, don’t take time to carefully think about the gravity of situations, and our reactions cause tension, animosity, and hate – from others. To give a medical analogy, consider a patient; the patient goes in to their Doctor for a follow-up visit – let’s say that the patient has improved since the last visit, the Doctor will say that your body is ‘responding’ to the treatment/drug. Whereas, if the patient visits the Doctor, and the patient is sick, the Doctor will say that their body is ‘reacting’ to some virus. Thus, this concept of reacting vs. responding can be compared to a negative vs. positive contrast or even further, it can be compared to degrees of reasoning. Many people in your lives who are hot-headed, easily tempered, it would be safe to say react to situations; while those who take time to deliberate the pros and cons, look at the glass both half-full and half-empty, are probably ones to respond to situations.
The classic and most modern example of reaction vs. respond is when President Obama ‘sonned’ a White House reporter in March 2009 when Obama was asked why he didn’t react sooner regarding the AIG fiasco; Obama replied “I like to know what I am talking about before I give a response”.
I like how we as a society, are very upset and vocal at such news stories and figures like the AIG fiasco; where after billions and billions of bailout money, and causing this economic meltdown, AIG gives out millions of dollars in bonuses – and the public is outraged. I am sure many of us want to go to the barn and get pitch forks and burn down the financial institution; this is an example of acceptable rage and anger toward an institution and/or individual. Essentially, the public doesn’t want AIG to get away with this behaviour or ‘get a pass’; like, oh ya, that is acceptable behaviour, because you know, they are AIG. That logic is not flying, so thinking about that, there are many examples of where some people, situations, events are ‘getting a pass’; the real meat & potatoes of such newsworthy events are not being reported or contested.
For example, this whole ‘Chrianna’ issue (Chris Brown & Rihanna) is finally getting around to talking about relationship abuse, but not enough dialogue is going on about the effects of witnessing or being the victim of childhood abuse – as those that witness abuse growing up, are more likelier to abuse their spouse when they are adults (i.e. Chris Brown).
Snoop Dogg
One of the game’s most influential rappers, a pop culture icon, but let’s be real – how is a self glorified pimp being able to go on Martha Stewart? Snoop has produced successful porn videos, rolls with Bishop Don Juan, smokes copious amount of marijuana, and he gets to speak at the 2009 Nation of Islam march? Its like America said, “Oh, its just Snoop Dogg, that is his thing”, which would lead some to suggest that since Snoop has been presenting his image for over 15 years or so; his longetivity of his image grants acceptance. I mean, I ain’t hating on Snoop, but I can’t believe that he gets a ‘pass’ in this ‘politically correct’ society, he has even been on the ‘The View’ – the most liberal ultra-feminist show.
Snoop on the ‘View’
Dr. Phil/Oprah
Encouraging weight loss is a noble idea, really. Americans are the most obese nation on the planet, I mean I live in Canada, and whenever I am in Anywhere, U.S.A., a small drink size, looks like a large to me. However, in all persuasive messages coming from a communicator, credibility is important – in terms of weight loss, Dr. Phil, Oprah, are not credible. People are more likely to believe someone, believe the message of what they are saying, if such communicator embodies the traits to which they are expressing.
Lil Wayne kissing Baby
How can the ‘greatest rapper alive’ get a ‘pass’ for kissing another man? Remember when he kissed Baby, and his justification was that Baby is like his father, but even if you talk to most Fathers that have sons, they stop kissing their sons after a certain age … well before puberty. In a realm like hip-hop, that is very No-Homo, the hip-hop community has seem to given a ‘pass’ to Wayne, really? Maybe Canibus was right when he talked about the Gay Rapper wrecking havoc on the game. Talk about getting hoodwinked, and now Wayne is supposedly the ‘greatest rapper alive’ with his drug, syrup infested raps.
Kudos to Jon Stewart who recently scolded CNBC for being complicit in this global financial meltdown, he didn’t let them get a ‘free’ pass, but it may be telling of media when someone who is a comedian, is really handling hard-hitting stories that real journalists should be investigating. Some things seem out of context to me at times, and we sensationalize the WRONG aspects of a story or an event.
