Subscribe to "Life In B Major: The Nerban Perspective" by Email

Archive for the 'Interrogative' Category

Jan 22 2010

Funny Double Entendre, pt 2

Published by d dot b under Interrogative

Funny Double Entendre’s, pt 2

All about ambiguity
Part 2 of the ‘Funny Double Entendre’ series (check pt.1 here), this time these are some funny newspaper headlines that are in a desperate need for an edit. The main literal problem with these headlines is the ambiguity in some of the word(s) – without the proper context, the headlines have multiple meanings.
.
.

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

- the ambiguity lies in whether we put our children in the oven with the cookies, sounds like circa 1940’s Nazi Germany
.
.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

- really? Could the fact that jet crashed already lead one to a conclusion that ’something went wrong?’
.
.

Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

- ‘Nine Months’ need to be explained – are the drunks put inside the violin case for a pregnancy term?
.
.

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

- Captain Obvious to the rescue!
.
.

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

- newspaper headlines should be ran by at least three different copy editors

No responses yet

Sep 29 2009

Oxymoronic

Published by d dot b under Interrogative, Logic

Oxymoronic

Conflicting spatial memory

An oxymoron is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms. Sometimes it is done inadvertently or deliberately to be condescending, funny, and/or satiricial. Either way, there are countless examples of oxymorons that will be sure to elicit a reaction out of you. Enjoy:

Good grief

- Grief is never good, always a thorn in your a–

Act naturally

- by definition ‘acting’ is not a ‘natural’ behavior.

Small crowd


- by definition, a crowd can not be ’small’

Peace force

- How can war ever bring ‘peace’? Using force to bring about peace is just a contrast of ideals.

Pretty ugly

- How can one be visually stunning yet horrific at the same time?

Tight slacks

- I swear that many of the hip-hop hipsters are on this tip now …

Synthetic natural gas

- anything synthetic is not natural

Passive aggression

- something we do all the time; to coincide with societal norms

.:: LiBM::.

No responses yet

Sep 11 2009

Even More why’s??

Published by d dot b under Interrogative, Logic

More Why’s???

More things that make you say ‘hmmmm’ attached with some stunning visuals from around the hemisphere

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?


Designed by: The MC

 

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?


Designed by Rattattart

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?


Designed by did

No responses yet

Jul 21 2009

Funny Double Entendre’s from across the Pond

Published by d dot b under Interrogative

88577053

Double entendre

Literal & Figuratively Language

A double entendre (from French: double = double and entendre = to mean, to understand) is a figure of speech in which a spoken phrase is devised to be understood in either of two ways. In most cases, the first meaning is straightforward, while the second meaning is less so; often risqué, inappropriate, or ironic. Of course, a double entendre can only really be understood when the context is identified; meaning, the context has to be ‘just right’ to fight the phrase. The following entendre’s come from the British site British Ex Pats, and these examples will either make you have literal LOL’s or LMAO’s – if not, you are a certified mannequin:

1. Michael Buerk, as he watched Phillippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1’s UK eclipse coverage:
“They seem cold out there, they’re rubbing each other and he’s only come in his shorts.”

2. Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on ‘This Morning’: “She was practising fastest finger first on her own in bed last night.”

3. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on ‘Look North’ said:
“There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.”

4. Carenza Lewis, about finding food in the Middle Ages on ‘Time Team
Live’, said:
“You’d eat beaver if you could get it.”

5. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and hadn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked:
“So Bob, where’s that eight inches you promised me last night?” (The weatherman and half the crew were so helpless with laughter they had to leave the set.)

6. Our best source, as ever, is the sports programme… Bobby Simpson, commenting on cricketer Neil Fairbrother’s shot: “With his lovely soft hands, he just tossed it off.”

7. Mike Hallett, discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
“Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.”

8. Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards’ tyre choice on World Superbike racing:
“Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wishes he had a hard on now.”

9. ‘Winning Post’s’ Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy’s
formidable lead:
“Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees.”

10. Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
“Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg.”

11. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open (an old favourite):
“Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.”

12. James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:
“What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?”

13. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters:
“Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69.”

14. Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race
when he said: “They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions.”

15. US PGA Commentator:
“One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them …..
Oh my god, what have I just said?!”

16. Metro Radio:
“Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”

17. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 (the most famous of all?):
“Ah, isn’t that nice? The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.”

18. New Zealand Rugby Commentator:
“Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.”

19. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator:
“And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!”

– The British are such clever, witty and interesting people … Hope this made you laugh in whatever you are doing

.:: LiBM ::.

One response so far

Apr 30 2009

tan(002) – Important Info for the Media at Breakfast

Published by d dot b under Health, Interrogative, Logic

Tangent numero 2

Important Info for the Media at Breakfast

Important Information
I get a lot of mail; most of it are bills and/or statements, the rare occasion I will get a cheque from the government for like $40 (woo-hoo!). Thus, I usually allow the mail to sit for a couple of days as it does not bring me any excitement. From time to time I will be tricked into opening something instantly; as I may think that it actually has something beneficial for me – you know those envelopes that are very vague in nature, “Important Information”, or “Time Sensitive Material”. And I guess is the hope that something meaningful will be inside the envelope – but it never is, it is always some dumb credit card offer or a chance to join some dumb club for ‘exclusive discounts’. Whenever you see something that says ‘Important Information’, it rarely is not.

Breakfast
It is the most important meal of the day that we all should make time for, but it always seems we are running late and never have time to eat a real breakfast. We may grab a Yop, those nutrigrain bars just to tie us over, but we all know that isn’t enough. After the hour commute, most times I get to work hungry, and the whole day I am eating a meal behind; my lunch is making up for my breakfast, dinner for lunch, et cetera. We could buy breakfast on the go (McD’s, Timmy’s, cafeteria), but we all know that if that is done a daily basis – it adds up, and multiplies. And taking a little extra time in the morning to make those eggs or oatmeal, can make a big difference – in our wallets and our tummies.

Media and Pandemics
This whole swine flu thing needs to be really put into perspective; A) it is not a new virus, it has been around since 1930, though relatively dormant until now. B) In the event that it does swing out of control, there are sufficient quantities of the vaccine to treat people. C) In comparison to the average Influenza flu that millions of people get each year, and of which 30,000 die annually in the U.S. – this swine flu has only claimed a few people in Mexico, and 1 infant in the U.S. So let’s not panic, and let’s return back to the real news story – the troubling recession. I am sure the Obama administration is enjoying this break from the media critiquing its economic stimulus packages and recession policies.

 

.:: LiBM ::.

No responses yet

Next »