Dealing with Negative Energy
Been in a creative slump for a minute; projects that I want to finish, I keep putting off. I don’t know why I do such things because it only leads to an increased level of aggravation and disdain for the world around me. I find myself at times scared to act, creating excuses to not act – I am troubled. And I think I know why; my procrastination is a fear of failure; fearing that my works will not live up to the expectations – internal and external. Internally, I have supernova expectations for myself; I should be running this web 2.5 (yes 2.5, not 2.0) game, but I find myself trailing to keep pace with other candidates. I have been a part of companies that have seen its depths and valleys, but I guess the most recent valley has some soggy, wet mud that restricts my forward movement. I tell myself that I am over such debacles, though not understanding fully to why it ‘fell apart’, but I have enough closure to realize that going forward is the only option. In the same breath, I have been a team player in a league, while also developing my own league – I have put off my own creative projects for others. Saying to myself that I will find time for my own league, but I keep putting off, and off, and off. And when I do have time for my own projects; we go back to the beginning of this therapy blog – the creative slump.
Several things affect my mood, I could list several, but I think the main one that affects me is ‘energy’. Not energy in the sense of stamina/concentration, but those around you; negative people, people always complaining at you, criticizing you, as an adverse affect. On the one hand, it has made me resilient, and has allowed me to handle/deal with certain people and situations, but for creativity, negativity is definitely not advantageous – I have not found any way to channel the negativity into a positive form. I’ve tried mentally reframing the negativity, and other psychological techniques, but it has not worked. So I guess the best thing is to move away from such ‘energy’, as it really is ‘sucking’ the life out of me (creatively speaking), or to try to work it out with the energy source. And that is where ‘aspiration’ comes into play; and the interplay between my strong, desire, and longing to get ‘creatively busy’ and my foe (negative energy). I truly think that my goals, my objectives are stronger than any negative force out there, but putting a timeframe on when such goals will crush the negative energy, well, that time duration seems to be dragging.
However, I will find a catalyst to speed it up – internally or externally, or else I will go maad.
.:: LiBM ::.